The Smallest of Moments

What if one of the smallest of moments in your life, actually becomes a defining moment of your life? 

In this episode, I'll be sharing with you the first time that I experienced the idea of "In this moment, you are the most important person to me." It's so powerful to think of how this one moment in my life, has meant and given so much to me.

As I continue to live this life, my memories of that moment may fade over time. But the feelings that I felt within my heart and within my soul, will withstand the passage of time. It's because those feelings will grow and will blossom into something new and beautiful.

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Logo Art by Ella Apuntar. 

Transcript

Arlan | 0:11
Hello and welcome to My Offering to You. I am your host, Arlan Mendiola. I share my stories and reflections about life, in the hopes that it creates a spark, provides clarity, or even new possibility.

Arlan | 0:30
In today’s episode, I want to follow up and build upon the topic from the first episode of this series. The one about, “In this moment, you are the most important person to me.” I want to share more of my thoughts and reflections about this idea, especially when I first experienced it myself.

Arlan | 1:06
When I was putting this podcast together, it took about two and a half months before I felt confident and ready to launch. After I figured out the purpose and concept of the podcast, a lot of the time was spent learning how to have a good setup for recording audio and how to edit on Adobe Audition. You can say that my Virgo-ness kicked in then, of wanting things to be perfect on the first try. I kept recording take after take, trying to figure out the right sound and pace of things.

Arlan | 1:40
During those two and a half months, I knew that I wanted the first episode to focus on the message of, “In this moment, you’re the most important person to me right now.” After all, how often do you hear that from someone? 

Arlan | 2:00
This message reminds me a lot of my college experience. When I was a first year, I decided to join an acting troupe. I always wanted to try acting during high school, but I was always intimidated by this one person who always got the lead roles in the school productions. But I thought, “Well, I’m in college now. So I can be a new me, a new Arlan.” So when I saw the email newsletter about auditions for the acting troupe, I went for it.

Arlan | 2:39
Now at this point, I’ve never really acted before. I only read things out loud passionately and with conviction. I know that this started at an early age, when I read books out loud to my brother when he was really young. I also even remember thinking in elementary school, when it came time for us to read out loud in the class, “Why is everyone reading all in a monotone? That’s boring. Why not get more into it?” It’s funny when I reflect on this now, where introverted me only became charismatic when reading out loud to others. The rest of the time, I was just shy.

Arlan | 3:28
Going back to first year Arlan, I was able to audition and was casted in their cultural theater production. The thing was though, I was the only first year in the group. I remember feeling intimidated. Since everyone was older, I assumed everyone already knew each other. I was the new kid and the odd one out. 

Arlan | 3:52
About a month or so passed by after the audition. We had several practices and I slowly started to get to know everyone. I was still shy though, where I didn’t really share too much about me or what I was going through. Outside of that acting troupe, I was dealing with the break up of my first relationship. I was navigating what it meant for my biological father coming back into my life for the first time in years. I was also dealing with imposter syndrome and the insecurities that come in being a first generation college student. All of that was a lot to deal with and to bottle up.

Arlan | 4:40
Then came one night, where I showed up early to practice. As a side note, I didn’t understand nor follow the concept of Filipino time. Or people of color time, where you arrive late. I was always punctual to things and still am to this day. Or at least I strive to be. But anyways, one night, I came early to practice. I was waiting outside the room, by myself. Then came one of the upperclassmen, where he saw and greeted me with “Hey Arlan! How are you?” I replied back, “Not good.” And then, I started to break down. Before I knew it, everyone else was there. A lot of them were like, “We got you. If you don’t want to be here right now, that’s fine. You don’t have to go back to the dorms tonight. You can kick it with us.” At that moment, I felt like I mattered. I felt important. I felt like I had a second family. For the first time, I felt like I had other folks that I could share my worries and my pain with. I didn’t have to feel alone anymore.

Arlan | 6:07
I even remember thinking at that time, is what I’m feeling right now, what Naruto was searching for? As context, this was the mid-2000’s and the English dubbed version of the Naruto anime was being shown on Cartoon Network. Still very early on in its run. For those that may not be familiar with the character, he was treated as an outcast in his ninja village ever since he was born because a nine-tailed fox was sealed within him. Now this nine-tailed fox was one of the most powerful and dangerous beings in the ninja world. It went on a rampage in the ninja village and was only stopped because of being sealed into a baby, into Naruto. And sadly, he grew up without his parents. The reason, well, spoilers. The villagers feared him and avoided him at all costs. For Naruto, he started to act out, get into trouble, and caused pranks on the villagers. But he did all of those things to get attention. To be acknowledged. To have someone else care about him. He wanted to feel like he mattered to someone. And of course, through his journey of becoming a hero and changing the narrative and perceptions of the villagers, Naruto became someone who was important to them. 

Arlan | 7:55
Now, I’m not saying that I am Naruto. I’m no hero, no ninja, hokage, or jinchuriki. But at that time, I related to Naruto in his feelings and desires to be accepted and to feel like he mattered. And I found that, through the second family that I gained that night. Ever since that night, I wanted to pay it forward. As I continued to be involved with that acting troupe and the larger Filipino/Pilipinx community, I wanted to help others feel that same way that I felt. That they too mattered and are important. That was at the core as to why I ran to be a leader for the community. Why I became a coordinator for the acting troupe in my third year. Why I became a co-chair for our cultural theater production in my fourth year. And those experiences that I had as a co-chair, would serve as the foundation to my career. 

Arlan | 9:08
When I was a co-chair, it was around the time of the 2008 recession in the U.S. There were budget cuts in many different areas of the university that affected students in new and unforeseen ways. For our production, we were 1 of 3 cultural student organizations that hosted their production at the largest theater facility on campus. At that time, our productions existed for 50+ years collectively. These were spaces where community members could learn more about their culture, history, and peoples. For many who participate, they develop a stronger sense of identity and community. Without these productions, it was rare for community members to learn about themselves and their people in the classroom.

Arlan | 10:09
So in the year that I was a co-chair, there were budget cuts to the theater space. Along with the other 2 cultural student organizations, on top of paying the normal rental and labor fees to use the facility, we now had to collectively pay a new fee to support one staff position. That fee was $14,250. And that needed to be paid for every year that our productions continued to use that theater space. For context, each of our student organizations always applied to funding bodies to cover our normal expenses for our productions. But for this fee, it was just different. 

Arlan | 11:06
At that time, our 3 productions were some of the only theater productions on campus that were diverse. That in essence, our productions brought diversity to the university. And so we thought, “If we were bringing something unique, valuable, and necessary to the university, where was the institutional support?” This situation also reminds me of this other idea, of how your spending is a reflection of your values. Even in a state of crisis, even a financial crisis, how do your values still hold true?

Arlan | 11:56
And so, for the first time ever, our 3 cultural student organizations decided to work together to find a solution. After all, this affected all 3 of our productions and communities. Never would I have thought, when I ran to be co-chair, that this would be one of the challenges that I would face. As in over my head I felt at the time, I knew that I had to fight for my community and for the communities that we were in solidarity with. My community was important to me and I believed what our productions have to offer to the campus community was important. Through the course of fall and winter of that year, we organized together and were able to gain broad and deep support from the campus community and senior-level administrators at our campus. In the end, we were able to gain a financial commitment to cover that fee of $14,250 for that year only. It would only be through the work of my successors, that a longer term commitment from the university was achieved.

Arlan | 13:21
Going through that experience, I found my voice and sense of agency. I became even more passionate in serving my community and developed a stronger desire of supporting the growth of future leaders. This experience is at the core as to why I am doing the work that I’m doing today. If I wasn’t a co-chair, let alone a coordinator, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t have been in those roles if it weren’t for that one night with my acting troupe, where I felt that I mattered and was important.

Arlan | 14:05
That night with my acting troupe took place 14 years ago. Those words, those memories, those feelings of that night, I still carry to this day. It has given so much to me and my life, and even the lives of others. I still continue to pay it forward, where I strive to help others feel like they matter and are important.

Arlan | 14:41
I have been able to trace a lot of who I am and what I believe, to key moments and interactions in my life. When I think about the moments that we get to share with others, especially the smallest of moments, the ones where it seems inconsequential. We don’t know what that moment will mean for the other person. But what if in that smallest of moments, it became a defining moment for their life? More than likely, you may not be around to see how that defining moment changes and transforms their life. You may not be around to see how it multiplies and expands. And I know, that’s tough and even heart breaking in some ways.

Arlan | 15:49
Now when I think about the person who has been transformed by that moment, their memories of that moment may fade over time. But the feelings that they felt within their heart and within their soul, will withstand the passage of time. It’s because those feelings will grow and will blossom into something new and beautiful.

Arlan | 16:22
And so once again, I will say this to you. In this moment, that we’re sharing together, you are the most important person to me. Thank you for being here, listening to me and offering space for me to be heard. As I continue doing this podcast and sharing moments like this with you, I hope something has resonated with you and that you’re able to find something valuable and meaningful from this.

Arlan | 17:02
Before I bring this episode to a close, I want to give my gratitude and appreciation to my acting troupe from my first year. To Bev, Julie Mae, Paul, Phil, PJ, Linda, Tyrone, Arthur, Leslie, Hugh, Corrigan, Melissa, Roy, Val, and Ryan. You all helped me find a sense of belonging during a time where I felt lost and hopeless. Although so much time has passed since we were all together, you all are forever within my heart.

Arlan | 17:57
Thank you for tuning into My Offering to You. If you appreciated what you heard and found value in it, consider following on Instagram at myofferingtoyou. Or even subscribe on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Until the next time, this has been Arlan Mendiola, and I’ll catch you, at the next one.